Ok, so I just had a meltdown in front of my family because I can get anxious and freak out if lots of things are coming at me at once and lots of things were coming at me at once. I am so not a multitasker. I even threw Angel’s History notebook across the room, but not at Angel…thank God! All the paper’s came out of the notebook and then I got to sit there and clean it all up.
I seriously don’t know how I survived being angry so much for so many years. It’s very exhausting, but I must say, not quite as exhausting as it used to be when I followed every fit up with a truck load of guilt and condemnation.
I apologized to my kids for acting like an idiot and we shared an awesome, genuine, “It’s ok Mom, we love you anyway” hug afterwords. I think we could get a lot of laughs out of it, after the fact, if we were secretly being recorded while acting the way I did tonight! It was quite ridiculous!
Thankfully, instead of going into guilt and condemnation mode as I did for many years and anxiously devising some new method I could put into place to keep from ever doing that again (that would be self-effort), in my new grace-filled life, here’s what happened:
I immediately began to meditate on how good God is that His love didn’t change toward me one bit, despite my bad behavior, and that He wasn’t going to walk out on our relationship because of me messing up. I knew He wasn’t holding my sins against me and He wasn’t saying, “Remember that gift of righteousness I gave you young lady…I’ll take that back for that behavior you just displayed. Good grief, you sure don’t act like one of My kids.”
Hahahahaha, that is so funny to even think about, now that I understand that this is certainly not the kind of Heavenly Father we have!
I literally stood in awe of God’s goodness toward me, even though I didn’t choose to receive the grace that could have so easily delivered me from my frustration.
Of course, meditating on God’s goodness always leads us to repentance (see Romans 2:4) so the next thing I started saying was, “God I know what you need me to do when I have a lot of things coming at me all at once, causing me to feel anxious. I know you want me to stop, even leave the room if necessary, and just tell You all about it, receive Your grace (Your unmerited favor towards me) and wait for the Spirit to show me how to handle all that stuff that just came at me all at once. I totally want to do that God and I know You’re right there, ready to help me make the right choice next time.”
Then, simply because I chose right believing following my wrong actions and since I know God only corrects me because He loves me and sees my potential in Christ, I ended up getting so stinkin’ excited about the whole deal.
- I got so excited all over again about Jesus’ finished work. (see John 19:30)
- I got so excited that I didn’t have to spend the next couple of hours, or days, living in guilt. (see Romans 8:1)
- I got so excited that I didn’t have to feel anxious over the sin I just committed. (see Hebrews 10:1-2)
- I got so excited remembering that Jesus paid the price for my sin, once for all time. (see Hebrews 10:12)
- I got so excited knowing that I could just believe in and receive what Jesus did for me and that I still had the privilege of remaining perfectly relaxed and filled with joy for the rest of the evening. (see John 6:29)
This, my friend, is how receiving God’s unmerited, unearned, undeserved favor changes us. When we choose to remain conscious of His grace, the power of Christ kicks in to help us rise above any future temptation in that area.
In contrast, if we refuse to remain conscious of God’s unmerited favor and insist on paying our own way, through accepting guilt and condemnation, it will drag us down into anxiety, down into frustration and down into more sin, more often. Why? Because guilt and condemnation is us depending on ourselves instead of Jesus’ finished work on the cross.
Living under the law (which produces self-effort) focuses on the outer man and tells us what we must do.
Grace (which produces rest) focuses on the inner man and tells us what is already done through Christ.
I just read this to my husband and he said I should tell you that since I’ve been living the grace-filled life, although I am not perfect (as you have just read), I do have far less meltdowns than I used to. To God be all the glory! His grace truly changes us from the inside out!
If you have not yet made Jesus your Savior and received the wonderful joy that His finished work on the cross has provided for you to live in, please visit my page here titled Jesus In The Driver’s Seat. On this page I explain the good news of the gospel and you will have the opportunity to pray a prayer of salvation, making Jesus your Savior! Jesus loves you and His arms are wide open!
Thanks again for keeping it real! I was looking for some encouragement or wisdom, I don’t know! This was what I needed to read! Thanks Sandra
You’re welcome, Alexandra. I’m so glad this blog post encouraged you! We’re all in this together!