Relationships: The 5 Love Languages

After opening up a beautiful Valentines Day card from my husband this morning full of Words of Affirmation that made me cry, I decided to write this post!

We have 10 year old twin girls and I’d say that the first two years after they were born was the busiest time of our lives, up to that point. One time my Mom noticed that we didn’t have furniture in one of the rooms of our home and asked us if we needed any. My witty husband immediately replied, “No, because we never sit down.” That was pretty much true at the time.

It was a wonderful time in our lives in terms of having these two beautiful little people that were ours to love and also being able to watch them go through all the adorable stages from infancy to toddlerhood, but I also remember our marriage getting quite stressed at times because of the busyness of the season.

We made a decision to go to marriage counseling and this wonderful couple, who has continued to help us throughout the years, suggested that we read the book “The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.” I remember crying A LOT while Steve and I read this book together as we both discovered a wonderful new way that we could show our love to each other, by speaking each other’s love language.

We learned that different people feel loved in different ways according to what their primary love language is. Here are the 5 Love Languages.

  • Words Of Affirmation
  • Physical Touch
  • Acts Of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts

My primary love language is Words of Affirmation; therefore, I feel most loved when Steve and my girls take the time to give me encouraging words. Gifts is actually least important to me, so today I didn’t need a gift for Valentine’s Day. My gift was the heartfelt words that Steve wrote on my card!

Typically, whatever your love language is, that is the love language that you speak to others with ease. For instance, it is very natural for me to encourage others. It just comes out of me so easily, but everyone’s primary love language that I am in close relationship with is not Words Of Affirmation. In fact, it is not the primary love language of my husband or our girls. This means I could encourage them all day long and they wouldn’t feel as loved as they do when I choose to speak their top love language.

My husband Steve, and our daughter Starr’s primary love languages are both Physical Touch and my daughter Angel’s is Quality Time. This means I have to purposely consider what they need, not what I need, in order to show them how much I love them.

Steve and I read The 5 Love Languages nearly 10 years ago and it is still impacting our marriage and our other relationships in a positive way today. Apparently, it is impacting millions of others as well because it has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for an unprecedented amount of weeks now. I am very happy about this because, as you know, relationships are not always easy, and I love to see people get practical help for their relationships like the awesome truths Gary Chapman shares in his book!

I really like this quote by Gary Chapman and agree with it 100%.

“The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision every day.”

Here’s another tool you may want to use, Gary Chapman’s website –The 5 Love Languages.

If you have not yet made Jesus your Savior and received the wonderful joy that His finished work on the cross has provided for you to live in, please visit my page here titled Jesus In The Driver’s Seat. On this page I explain the good news of the gospel and you will have the opportunity to pray a prayer of salvation, making Jesus your Savior! Jesus loves you and His arms are wide open!

Sandra McCollom

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Sonmi Gervase

Oh my Sandra THANK YOU SO MUCH for being raw. The blog about Communication Matters was perfect!
Loved this blog too. I believe we read this book many years ago but I want to re-read it again!!!
LOVE your Grace teachings. They are real, raw & current!!!
Absolutely grateful God gave us Grace and so appreciative for all of His Grace teachers 🙂